Reflections on a Call to Ministry
Trusting the Divine Indwelling of God, a Reflection on Academic Exegesis
If I had to choose a “life verse,” this would probably be it:
When the Blessed One had said all these things, he greeted them all, saying, “Peace be with you! Bear my peace within yourselves! Beware that no one lead you astray, saying ‘Look over here!’ or ‘Look over there!’ For the Child of Humanity [the Christ] is within you! Follow it! Those who seek it will find it. Go then and proclaim the good news of the realm. Do not lay down any rules beyond what I determined for you, nor give a law like a lawgiver, lest you be confined by it.” When he had said this, he departed.
-The Gospel of Mary, 4:1–11
A New New Testament Translation, amplification added.
The title Son of Man, or Child of Humanity, as applied to the Christ revealed to us in and through the man Jesus of Nazareth, hints at a subtle and profound truth about the nature of God, and the nature of humankind. The Gospel of Mary makes what was implicit in the canonical gospels now explicit. In the Gospel of Luke we find a similar passage: “The kingdom of God does not come in a way that can be seen, nor will people say ‘Look, here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’; for the kingdom of God is within you!” (Luke 17:20b–21 OEB) Other translations use “in your midst” or “among you” or even “within some of you.” All translation is an exercise in both exegesis and eisegesis. Our context shapes our engagement with a text, even as the text cannot help but shape us in turn.
Whenever we deeply engage with any text, whether we apprehend it or not, whether we unconditionally accept, or partially accept, or outright reject the message, we cannot help but reflect upon, refine, and/or reinforce our own beliefs. In this sense, every text is a mirror in which we ultimately find ourselves. And so I begin to articulate my call to ministry with some dangerous theology. I do this partly because I’ve had a profound change of heart and mind which I have not adequately expressed publicly.
I am a recovering academic. There is something of an ongoing crusade in the liberal theological tradition that makes up the Mainline and “progressive” Christianity. This crusade brings the rigor of good biblical scholarship, archeology, and theology, to root our faith in an understanding of the historical and social development of the Christ movement. The goal is to understand as best we can and faithfully represent a movement which began 2,000 years ago, and what it means today for our current cultural and social context. On the surface, this seems a noble and worthwhile endeavor, and one can hardly deny the importance of this scholarship.
At the same time, there is a great awareness among the more humble and honest biblical scholars, of our own ignorance. Much seems to have been lost to time and disaster through the millennia, and the best we can do is piece together the various clues and fragments into a logically-consistent theoretical. And as this is often our life’s work (and again I do consider it worthwhile work; when done faithfully, study is a form of worship). And yet, in the name of “biblical literacy,” it can slip into a certain self-righteous elitism — and by extension — classism, racism, and other dehumanizing -isms.
The Spirit that says “dig deep, prayerfully reflect on Scripture, and listen in the silence,” is not the same spirit that says “I can do all things through a verse taken out of context.” As a recovering academic, the irony of turning the critique against the act of critique is not lost on me. One might get a sense of the uroboros eating its own tail. It is through this critique that I am merely removing the plank from my own eye, eg. the idolatry of my own “rational thought” about the Ineffable, and the self-righteousness that it fostered.
Here I feel compelled to expand on my identity as a recovering academic. I am a recovering academic Christian socialist and Marxist-Humanist. While my social values have not much changed, my interpretation of them, and the conclusions I once drew from them, have. If I were to expand on this critical reflection, I would probably call it “The Quest of the Historical-Materialist Jesus,” with apologies to Dr. Schweitzer. Our work cannot be materialist because materialism denies the Ultimate Reality of Spirit, and our work cannot be accomplished without the guidance of Spirit. In this sense, we can neither think nor act ourselves into salvation.
In my own case, the positions I once held were a defense mechanism. I threw myself into my studies and developing my mind to compensate for low self-esteem, and in so doing I became the most judgemental person I knew. And in so doing, I attracted into my life judgmental people — people who both reflected my own self-righteousness and reinforced my low self-esteem.
By the grace of God, I have striven to overcome my own judgemental attitude. I had recognized the plank in my own eye, and done the work to change my perspective, my thinking — and consequently — my life. Much of my life has been plagued by a deep-seated anger and depression, which had nearly driven me to suicide. By the grace of God, I have survived, precisely because “I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.”
That the previously demonstrated historical-critical approach feels deeply lacking, may be evidenced by the decline in church attendance that has plagued American Liberal Protestantism and continues to do so. More and more people are identifying as spiritual but not religious, or secular humanist, or agnostic, or atheist, etc. Without the aide of church or dogma, more and more people are learning to trust their own direct connection to Spirit. People are finding new and creative ways of carving out their own paths.
We may bemoan the decline in our churches. We may even feel compelled to defend against the “spiritual but not religious” identity as though it were a negative commentary on being religious (I certainly used to do that). Yet we who are still churched need to remove the plank from our own eyes and recognize that this failure is ultimately our own. We have failed to adequately meet the needs of those who’ve left. When we take responsibility for our own shortcomings and our image problem, rather than blaming others for simply “not getting it,” then we can find better ways to actually help meet both the spiritual and material needs of others.
The church cannot be a spiritual vanguard, because God has no need for such defenders. The church can and must be the beloved community. It is the place where we safely and lovingly acknowledge and remember that every human encounter is an encounter with a beloved Child of God. When we fully acknowledge that, the dynamic of every encounter is transformed. We allow ourselves to become as Christ for others, and we in turn encounter Christ in others. Namaste!
In this way, we are called to be evangelical, which is to say that we are called to share the gospel, which is “good news.” The good news in all of this is that we are not alone. We are divinely guided by the One in whom “we live, and move, and have our being.” God is Love, and creation is an act of Divine Love.
The Return to the Self
In spite of the challenges of growing up Roman Catholic and coming to terms with my sexuality as a gay man, I am deeply thankful for my Catholic upbringing, the emphasis on the importance of well-rounded education. I am thankful for the belief in a Good Creator God, a loving Guide and Companion in Jesus, and an Ever-Present Holy Spirit, the emphasis on the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation, of humility, of love. As a child I was taught that when God spoke the world and humanity into creation, God saw that it was good, that humankind was created in the Divine Image and Likeness, and that means we are creative co-creators with the Divine. We are God’s beloved children, and our Oneness with Christ our Shepherd, our Guide, our Brother is a Oneness with God.
I have fond memories of listening to and singing along with the “Kids Praise Album,” especially the song “1 John 4:7–8.” I loved and still love the old hymns “On Eagles Wings” and “Amazing Grace.” I remember being taught that God was Omnipresent, Omniscient, and Omnipotent, and also Loving and Merciful, that any suffering we endure in life is temporary and we will one day be reunited with God and our loved ones forever in heaven, provided we put God first, and seek God first, in all that we do.
As I grew up, and encountered the harshness of the world, real suffering and cruelty and death, as I came to terms with my sexual identity and came to accept myself for who I am, I began to question, and test, and branch out. I saw the church of my childhood in a new light, and felt constricted by a dogmatism that I believed ran contrary to that Goodness I found at the root of Catholic Christianity. I saw mean-spiritedness, arrogance, and hostility among the church that made me feel increasingly unsafe. Around this time I found myself becoming increasingly radicalized, and began to align myself with more secular movements of social and economic justice, doing the work I felt the Church should be doing in the world.
In 2004 I began in earnest to search for a new spiritual home. I considered Unitarian Universalism, but Trinitarianism was something I could not abandon. I embraced Universalism, and considered myself a Universalist Trinitarian, because I believe that God reconciles all Creation to Godself, that God is infinitely merciful and compassionate, and to put restrictions on God’s ability to save is to believe in a god that is impotent.
Divine Providence led me to listen to Air America Radio on the Fourth of July, 2005. I heard a news story about the General Synod of the United Church of Christ. I remember being surprised by hearing a news story on church polity on a secular, liberal talk radio station. When I realized what was happening, I got on my computer, watched the live stream of the proceedings as witnessed history take place as the UCC became the first Mainline Protestant denomination to affirm marriage equality as a denominational body. I became a member of the local UCC church that November, and I have attended UCC churches ever since.
I found a church that had deep historic Christian roots, a progressive sentiment that made me feel both welcome and safe, and an emphasis on doctrinal freedom — the importance of each to faithfully, thoughtfully, and prayerfully work out for themself what they believe. I found a similar emphasis on the value of education and the acceptance of science that I found in the Catholic Church, and I felt like I had come home. They acknowledged Christ, not any pope or archbishop or elder, as the Sole Head of the Church. I found in the UCC the freedom to think, and breathe, and commune with God and like-minded Christians.
Ever the seeker, I was reading about Buddhism, Hinduism, and other traditions. I would regularly spend time at the metaphysical bookstore, where I was exposed to popular films like “What the Bleep Do We Know?” and “Secret of Water.” When “The Secret” was released, it grasped me in a way that no other media has before or since.
My activist work, and my whirlwind romance that led to marriage, put me in positions where my metaphysical beliefs were mocked and ridiculed. Outwardly, I retreated to the orthodoxy of conventional Liberal Christianity, and embraced the activist and academic life, teaching Computer Science and Mathematics after having failed attempts at working as a software developer. I had lost my confidence, and repressed my mystical view of the world.
I found myself in New York, attending Judson Memorial Church. It is a church of artists, activists, and radicals. Located in Greenwich Village, it is quintessentially and wonderfully Bohemian. The senior minister at the time I was there was the Rev. Dr. Donna Schaper, whom I recall once described the church as half-gay and half-atheist. As an angry radical queer Marxist theater nerd who was still somehow Christian, it quickly became my spiritual home in New York, and it will always be a community I hold in love.
This church afforded me my first opportunity to preach, an experience that helped me realize a call to ministry. I enrolled in the Master of Divinity program at Union Theological Seminary, and became a “Member in Discernment” at my Church.
Here is where the narrative becomes simply too difficult to write. The seven years from 2013 through 2020 were a painfully disruptive time. Divorce, disenchantment in church polity, disenchantment with the Left, and toxic friendships and relationships characterized by manipulation that made my home life unbearable. Many good things came out of this time. I found a new home in Pittsburgh, I found a new church home with the Community of Reconciliation, and I found myself reflecting on how my life went so far off the rails. I was also blessed to have met my current partner in 2019–2020, who has made my life infinitely better in every way.
I read and re-read many books on paganism and occultism, Christian mysticism, New Age spirituality, and New Thought. I re-watched “The Secret” for the first time in 15 years, and read the Teachings of Abraham as channeled by Ester Hicks. Reading that led me to read Louise Hay, which led me to learn about Religious Science. I read the 1926 Edition of The Science of Mind, and I found in Dr. Holmes writings something so amazingly thoughtful and compelling that I kept reading.
When I first signed onto the Zoom meeting and attended my first Center for Spiritual Living service, I felt something akin to what I felt when I first attended a UCC church. I felt the deep joy of homecoming. I knew I had found my people.
Over the years I’ve attended Hindu temples, Buddhist cultural centers, Mosques, Unitarian churches, Orthodox Christian services, Independent Catholic services, and nearly every flavor of Protestant church. I joined the Soka Gakkai International and chanted Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Everywhere I go, I find God. I feel the Spirit of Emmanuel — God With Us. On some occasions, something in the content of the experience may evoke my academic, critical mind, and my inner Pharisee gets between my communion with both God and God’s children. May God continue to heal my self-righteousness!
In the past two years, I’ve experienced much healing, and even a few miracles of serendipity, through my engagement with New Thought philosophy. In the works of Ernest Holmes in particular I felt a returning to myself, a New Thought philosophy that lifts up all those positive aspects of joyful life in Christ, all the positive aspects of my Catholic upbringing and Protestant identity. As New Thought sent me flying, the works of Dr. Holmes helped me fashion an anchor in my Christian roots. The definitive 1938 edition of Science of Mind reads like a systematic theology disguised as a self-help text, and his influence on luminaries like Norman Vincent Peale are a testament to the depth and value contained in his works.
A Return to the Spiritual
“I will impress my laws on their minds,
and will inscribe them on their hearts;
and I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
There will be no need for anyone to instruct their fellow citizen,
or for a person to say to their relatives ‘Learn to know the Lord’;
for everyone will know me,
from the lowest to the highest.”-Hebrews 8:10–11, Open English Bible
Anger is a common and understandable response the actions of the rich and powerful in the world today. However, it is not a beneficial response. It may lead to action, but seldom does it lead to inspired action. The great tragicomic opera that plays out in social media and news media outlets every day has produced a “train-wreck” effect of outraged compulsory engagement. Activists inevitably find themselves playing the very game of the rich and powerful, on the very platforms the rich and powerful own. Facebook is 3 billion tiny soapboxes preaching to their respective choirs. It is a walled garden to keep the rabble in their place.
Every moment we play that game, and every moment we waste in anger, we are not effectively addressing the real problems at hand. If I feel anger towards Elon Musk, for example, I am harming myself more than I’m doing anything to Elon Musk.
Religious Science as expounded by Ernest Holmes can be summed up in this way: When you change your thinking, you change your life. When you change your life, you change the world. My change of mind is a reflection on 20 years of leftist activism, marches, and schisms. We are called to love our enemies while at the same time working for justice. I am called not to fight but to uplift those who need uplifting. We are called to feed the hungry, share our resources, and build structures to better organize and perpetuate that help. I am not called to overcome capitalism but to make my peace with it, to live the best I can in the circumstances and conditions I find myself in, and do the best I can to transform those circumstances and conditions by first and foremost envisioning what the New Society/Beloved Community/Commonwealth/Kin-dom of God should be and directly working to create that.
We are not called to be anti-war, but pro-peace. We are not called to be anti-racist, but pro-equality, pro-integration, pro-recognition of ALL as brothers and sisters and siblings. We are not called to be anti-capitalist, but pro-abundance. We are called to mutual aide and underground subversion. We are called to provide the services others would deny. In so doing, we find ourselves no longer on the defensive, because we are now actively working towards the Good.
We are called to see EVERYONE through the eyes of God who is Love. We are called to live an abundant life and share that abundance with everyone. This is what it means to me to be a Christian, to recognize the indwelling of God in everyone, and to help each other remember that profound truth. To love God is to love your neighbor as yourself. To love your neighbor as yourself is to love God, for God is Love.
For this reason, I am seeking to become a licensed Religious Science Practitioner, with the intention of pursuing ordained ministry with both the Centers for Spiritual Living and the United Church of Christ. It is for this reason that I dedicate my life to articulating a Christian New Thought theology, to live in the harmonization of both traditions, in the ecumenical and inclusive spirit of both institutions, the willingness to listen in the quiet of our hearts and in our human interactions for how God is Still Speaking today, the willingness to create a new thing, as God makes all things new. I wish to serve both institutions faithfully, and by so doing faithfully serve the One God in Whom we are All One.
I deeply believe there is a Spiritual Awakening happening in the world now. It has been ongoing for many, many years. We need to keep alert, and keep our lamps burning, as we joyfully walk each other home. God is indeed Still-Speaking.
God’s Peace be with you! Thank you for sharing in my journey.
With Love and Blessings,
Stephen Joseph Weierman, M.S., M.Div.
July 8, 2023
